Husband: everytime I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet seat.............

Husband : how does it help

Wife: I use your toothbrush!!!!

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.

What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled, "The meaning of dreams"

This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?"

The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's."

The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."

The teacher asked "Where's the p?

He replied, " running down my leg!"



A man and his wife were traveling down the highway when they saw the lights of a patrol car behind them. When they pulled over, the patrol man came up to the window and said,

"I am going to give you two tickets. One because you were speeding and one because you didn't have your seat belt fastened."

The man said, "I did too have my seat belt fastened. I just loosened it when you came up to the car.

The Patrol Man said to the man's wife, "I know he didn't have his seat belt fastened. Isn't that right, lady?"

She replied, "Well, officer. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my husband when he's drunk."