Great Quotations:

Great Quotations:Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister.... and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark TwainSanta Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. ~Victor BorgeBe careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark TwainWhat would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce. ~Mark TwainBy all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~SocratesI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy DuranteI never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa GaborMoney can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike MilliganWhat's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money! ~ Henny YoungmanUntil I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. ~Joe NamathYouth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry AsquithI don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob HopeWe could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~UnknownMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~UnknownDoctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ~ UnknownThe cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good .. spit it out. ~UnknownBy the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~UnknownIt's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. ~Unknown